Episode 181 - The Three Questions Your Heart Keeps Asking
How three powerful conference talks answer the deepest questions we ask in our hardest moments
You know that feeling when you're lying in bed at 2 AM, staring at the ceiling?
Maybe it's after a hard conversation with your spouse or one of your adult children. Maybe it's after scrolling social media, feeling like everyone else has life figured out. Maybe it's just one of those nights where all the questions you've been avoiding during the day come flooding in.
Beneath all the specific worries. Beneath all the what-ifs and should-haves. Our hearts keep circling back to the same three questions:
Who am I really?
Can I actually change?
Why is this so hard?
If you've ever asked yourself any of these questions (and I'm guessing you probably have), this is for you.
When Conference Talks Answer the Questions Your Heart Is Asking
Recently, as I was studying the addresses from October's General Conference, I found myself focusing on three different talks:
Elder Brik V. Eyre's "Know Who You Really Are"
Elder Patrick Kearon's "Jesus Christ and Your New Beginning"
President Henry B. Eyring's "Proved and Strengthened in Christ"
As I was reading these talks, something just clicked for me. These weren't three separate messages. They were one complete answer to the questions we're all asking in our hardest moments. And I will tell you, it took my breath away.
Because when life gets hard, we start questioning everything—who we are, whether we can change, why God would allow this. And these three apostles, speaking at the same conference, answered those exact questions.
Question #1: Who Am I Really?
When Your Identity Feels Lost
This question shows up in so many ways, doesn't it?
Maybe you're an empty-nester and you're wondering, "If I'm not taking care of everyone else, who am I?"
Maybe your adult child is angry with you and you're thinking, "Am I a bad mom?"
Maybe you've made the same mistake for what feels like the hundredth time and you're wondering, "What's wrong with me?"
I've been there myself. After 28 years as a stay-at-home mom, my youngest headed off to college and I thought, "Now what? Who am I when no one needs me anymore?"
The Foundation: You Are God's Child
Elder Eyre tells us something so fundamental, so important: You are a child of God.
Now, I know you've heard this before. We all have. But I will tell you, there's a difference between knowing that truth as a Sunday School answer and really believing it as truth about yourself.
He shares this powerful story about his daughter serving a mission. She visits a woman who has just lost her job, is about to be homeless, and is on the floor sobbing. His daughter frantically flips through her scriptures trying to find the perfect verse to help.
Then she has this thought: "What am I doing? This is not what Christ would do. This is not a problem that I can solve, but this is a literal daughter of God who needs my help."
Did you catch that?
Not a broken person who needs fixing.
Not a problem to solve.
A daughter of God.
The Moses Story: God Names You by Your Divine Heritage
Elder Eyre also talks about Moses, and I love this story because it shows us exactly what happens when we really understand who we are.
Moses has this incredible experience where God tells him face-to-face: "Moses, you are my son." God repeats it. He makes sure Moses gets it. "You are in the similitude of my Only Begotten. You have a work to do, and you have a loving Heavenly Father."
Then what happens? Satan shows up immediately and says, "Moses, son of man."
Can you see what he's doing?
God names Moses by his divine heritage.
Satan tries to label him by his earthly limitations.
And Moses, because he just had that conversation with God, says, "Who are you? For behold, I am a son of God."
This is exactly what happens to each of us, isn't it?
God reminds us we're His beloved children. And then life happens,or the adversary whispers, and suddenly we're defining ourselves by our weaknesses, our failures, our disappointments.
Your Identity Doesn't Change Based on Circumstances
Here's what Elder Eyre is teaching us: Your identity doesn't change based on your circumstances or your struggles.
You are God's beloved child when your adult child is thriving.
You are God's beloved child when your adult child is angry with you.
You are God's beloved child when you're making progress.
You are God's beloved child when you've just made the same mistake again.
That is who you are. God's child.
The Practice: Being With God (Not Just Saying Prayers)
So how do we actually internalize this truth? How do we move it from our heads to our hearts?
Elder Eyre gives us something practical. He talks about prayer—but not just saying our prayers. He talks about taking time to actually be with God.
He says maybe we need to shift our mindset from checking prayer off our list to really communing with the Father.
What if instead of asking "What do I need to DO?" we started asking "Who does He see when He looks at me?"
What if we took a few minutes before we pray to just sit with that question? To remember that the God of the universe knows our name, knows our struggles, and calls us His beloved child?
Question #2: Can I Actually Change?
When You Feel Stuck in the Same Patterns
So that's the first question answered. You are God's child. That's who you really are.
But here's where it gets a little tricky. Because the minute we start to believe that—really believe it—we immediately bump into the second question: Can I actually change?
Because if I'm God's beloved child, shouldn't I be better? Shouldn't I have this figured out by now?
Maybe you're thinking about that pattern with your husband—the same argument you've had a thousand times.
Maybe it's the way you talk to yourself—that critical voice that's been your companion for 40 years.
Maybe it's a struggle with food, anxiety, or people-pleasing that you just can't seem to overcome.
And you're wondering: "Is it even possible? Can I really change, or is this just who I am?"
Jesus Gives Us As Many New Beginnings As We Need
This is where Elder Kearon comes in with this message that honestly made me want to cry when I first read it.
He says: "Jesus gives us as many new beginnings as we need."
Not one baptism and you better get it right.
Not three strikes and you're out.
As many as we need.
He talks about how we tend to think our baptism is our one shot at a new beginning, but that's not true. He says we don't have just one chance. These new beginnings can happen every day.
Every week we take the sacrament—that tiny piece of bread, that little cup of water—and it's a chance to begin again.
Getting Repentance Right: Open Arms, Not Disappointed Arms
Elder Kearon addresses something I think many of us struggle with. He talks about how we've gotten repentance all wrong.
He shares this quote from a young woman who said: "When I think of repentance, daily repentance, I feel incredible joy and hope. I feel the love and happiness of my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I'm not afraid to come to Heavenly Father in prayer and ask for His help with whatever I'm struggling with. I know They're not trying to catch me doing something wrong. Their arms are wide open."
Did you hear that? Their arms are wide open.
Not disappointed arms.
Not frustrated arms.
Not "here we go again" arms.
Open arms.
New Beginnings Aren't Just for Sin
Elder Kearon goes on to say new beginnings aren't just for sin. He says, "Through the goodness and grace of the Savior, we can have fresh starts that propel change in old mindsets, bad habits, grumpy dispositions, negative attitudes, feelings of powerlessness, and tendencies to blame others."
This includes:
The way you've always dealt with conflict
That self-criticism that's been your default for decades
That belief that you're "just not good at" certain things
You can change. You really can.
Three Questions Elder Kearon Wants You to Hear
Elder Kearon asks three questions that I want you to really listen to:
Have you been away too long from your covenants to receive a new beginning? No.
Have you done this or that too many times to be given another chance? No.
Have you gone too far from Christ for Him to help you write a new story from here on out? No.
And then he says something so important: "The adversary is the only one who benefits from the idea that you're sunk. You are not."
To those of us struggling with the same thing over and over again, Elder Kearon says: "You keep going. He hasn't put a roadblock in front of you. He hasn't set a limit on your second chances. You press on. You keep striving."
And then he adds this: "You don't have to be who you've been before."
Let that sink in. You don't have to be who you've been before.
That critical voice? You can learn a new way.
That reactive pattern? You can develop new skills.
That belief that you're stuck? You can embrace a fresh start.
Question #3: Why Is This So Hard?
When You're Stretched Beyond What You Thought You Could Bear
So now we know who we are. God's beloved children. And we know we can change, as many new beginnings as we need.
But then life hits us with the third question. The one that makes us wonder if any of this is actually true.
Because if I'm God's child and I can have new beginnings, then why is this so hard?
If God loves me, why does He allow this?
If I'm His child, why doesn't He fix this?
If I can change, why does it feel impossible right now?
Maybe it's the adult child relationship that keeps breaking your heart.
Maybe it's the financial stress that won't relent.
Maybe it's the health challenge that keeps getting worse instead of better.
Maybe it's just this overwhelming sense of being stretched beyond what you thought you could bear.
President Eyring's Experience: "I Am Proving You, But I Am Also With You"
President Eyring tells this story about when he was a young man studying physics and mathematics in college. He felt overwhelmed. He felt like he was trying to learn something beyond him. And the more overwhelmed he felt, the less strength he had to keep trying.
He wanted to quit. He felt weak.
And then, as he prayed, he felt this quiet assurance from the Lord: "I am proving you, but I am also with you."
I love that President Eyring says he didn't know then all that those words meant, but he knew what to do. He went to work.
What "Proving" Really Means
Here's what he learned: To prove something is not simply to test it. It's to increase its strength.
When you prove a piece of steel, you place it under strain—heat, weight, and pressure—until its true nature is enhanced and revealed. The steel isn't weakened by the proving. It becomes something that can be trusted. Something strong enough to bear greater burdens.
The Lord proves us in much the same way to strengthen us.
So here's the reframe: What if the hard thing isn't happening TO you, but FOR you?
Not as punishment. You're God's beloved child, remember?
Not as evidence you can't change. You can have as many new beginnings as you need.
But as the very thing that's making you capable of carrying eternal weight.
Examples of Being Proved and Strengthened
President Eyring gives us powerful examples:
Moroni — alone, hunted by people who wanted him dead, writing for descendants of those very people. His testimony shines with light because it was refined in that loneliness.
Jacob — who suffered afflictions as a child. But his father Lehi told him, "God shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."
The Prophet Joseph Smith — in Liberty Jail, crying out "O God, where art thou?" And the Lord responding: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high."
The Key Truth About Hard Seasons
President Eyring says something that I think is the key to all of this:
"These proving moments are not evidence that the Lord has abandoned you. Rather, they are evidence that He loves you enough to refine and strengthen you."
Let me say that again: These proving moments are evidence that He loves you enough to refine you and strengthen you.
The struggle with your adult child? He's making you strong enough to love without controlling.
The financial stress? He's teaching you to trust Him in ways you couldn't learn in comfort.
The overwhelming season? He's building your capacity for more.
Through Christ, We Can Do All Things
Here's the crucial part. President Eyring learned: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
Not "I can do all things" period.
Through Christ.
Remember question one? You're God's child. He's with you.
Remember question two? You can have new beginnings. When you stumble, you can start again.
And now question three: He's not just with you. He's strengthening you. He's making you capable of bearing things you couldn't bear before.
How These Three Truths Work Together
Do you see how these three questions and answers work together?
You can't endure the proving without knowing who you are
You can't keep getting back up during the proving without believing you can have new beginnings
You can't embrace new beginnings without first believing God actually sees you as His child
You can't fully own your identity as God's child without walking through the proving that makes it real
They're not three separate truths. They're one complete truth.
My Own Story: From Midlife Crisis to Midlife Awakening
I think about my own journey. Twenty-eight years as a stay-at-home mom. My youngest heading to college. And me wondering, "Who am I now? What's my purpose?"
And then the strained relationships—the ones that didn't look like I thought they should.
I was in the wilderness. I felt stuck. I felt lost. It felt like a midlife crisis.
But looking back now, I can see what was really happening. I was being proved. I was being strengthened.
God was asking me:
"Do you believe you're my daughter even when your identity isn't wrapped up in caring for everyone else?"
"Can you love deeply when relationships don't look how you want them to?"
"Will you trust me in the hard?"
And in that proving, I learned who I really was. Not Jill the mom of five. Not Jill the person who keeps everyone happy. But Jill, beloved daughter of Heavenly Parents.
I learned about new beginnings. That I could reinvent myself at 50. That I could develop new skills. Create a coaching practice. Start a podcast. That it wasn't too late.
And I learned that the hard season wasn't evidence God had abandoned me. It was evidence He loved me enough to prepare me for what He had in store.
The Three Answers That Change Everything
So here's what I want you to take away from today. Whatever you're walking through right now—whatever has you lying awake at 2 AM asking these questions—there are answers.
Who am I really?
You are God's beloved child. That doesn't change based on your circumstances, your struggles, or anyone else's choices.
Can I really change?
Yes. As many new beginnings as you need. Jesus hasn't put a limit on your second chances.
Why is this so hard?
Because God is making you stronger. He's building your capacity for more. This isn't abandonment. This is love that refines.
Your Invitation This Week
Pick one of these three questions. The one that feels most alive for you right now.
If you're struggling with identity: Ask yourself, "Who does God say I am?" Then take time to be with Him. Not just saying your prayers, but actually communing with Him. Ask Him to help you see yourself the way He sees you.
If you're stuck in shame: Remind yourself, "I can have a new beginning today. Right now. This moment." Ask yourself what that new beginning might look like.
If you're in a season that feels impossibly hard: Try this reframe: "What if this is proof God loves me enough to strengthen me?" Not as a way to dismiss your pain, but as a way to find meaning in it.
Final Thoughts: Your Heart Knows the Questions, and God Has the Answers
Your heart keeps asking these questions because you're meant to know the answers.
Who am I? You're God's beloved child.
Can I change? Yes, as many times as you need.
Why is this so hard? You're being made stronger and your capacity increased.
The answers to these questions change everything.
If this message resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who might need to hear these truths today. And if you want to dive deeper into these concepts, listen to Episode 181 of the Seasons of Joy Podcast.
Mentioned on the podcast:
Elder Patrick Kearon's "Jesus Christ and Your New Beginning"
President Henry B. Eyring's "Proved and Strengthened in Christ"
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About the Host: Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life + relationship coach and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She helps women of faith navigate their seasons of life with greater purpose and joy including how to transform conflict into connection. For more resources or to work with Jill, visit www.seasons-coaching.com.
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