Episode 153 - Happily Even After with Jennifer Townsend
Healing After Betrayal: Finding Joy Again with Jennifer Townsend
A candid conversation on recovering from relationship betrayal, rebuilding self-confidence, and creating a more joyful life after divorce.
Introduction
Betrayal in a relationship can feel like the end of the world. Whether it's infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken trust, the pain cuts deep and often leaves people feeling lost, confused, and questioning their own worth.
In this powerful episode of the Seasons of Joy podcast, host Jill Pack welcomes betrayal coach Jennifer Townsend for a raw and honest conversation about healing after betrayal. Jennifer shares her personal journey through 26 years of marriage, multiple betrayals, and ultimately divorce—and how she not only survived but now thrives in her new season of life.
Jennifer's Story: From Betrayal to Breakthrough
Jennifer Townsend's life looked picture-perfect from the outside. A 26-year marriage, four children, a beautiful home, and a comfortable life. But beneath the surface, she was struggling with repeated betrayals from her spouse.
"I was determined to make my marriage work," Jennifer shares. "I did not want to get divorced. I loved my life. I had a pretty amazing life."
Like many women facing betrayal, Jennifer initially blamed herself. She thought if she could just be better—thinner, prettier, more attentive—maybe her husband wouldn't look elsewhere. This self-blame led to negative body image, low self-esteem, and what Jennifer describes as living in a "frozen" state.
The Turning Point: Finding Life Coaching
Jennifer's healing journey began unexpectedly when a coworker recommended Jodi Moore's "Better Than Happy" podcast. The concepts resonated deeply with her, offering a new perspective on her situation.
"I felt like a sponge that was just absorbing everything," Jennifer recalls. "I can think something different... I thought my life was over, but suddenly I felt like I had a new lease on life."
This led Jennifer to hire a coach and eventually become a certified life coach herself. Through this process, she began to understand that her husband's affairs weren't about her—they were about him. She learned to question the negative beliefs she'd internalized about herself.
"I used to think I was bad at money," she explains. "But actually, I'm really good at money. I've just really worked on deciding, do I want to believe that anymore?"
Key Insights for Healing After Betrayal
1. Your partner's betrayal is not about you
One of the most important realizations in Jennifer's healing was understanding that her husband's affairs weren't a reflection of her worth or desirability. Betrayal is about the choices the betrayer makes, not the one betrayed.
2. Feel your emotions completely
Many people, especially religious women, believe they shouldn't feel anger or that they must immediately forgive. Jennifer emphasizes the importance of actually feeling your emotions:
"It's okay to be angry... a lot of times people get stuck as the victim in their life. But once I became like, 'Oh no, I can be more empowered, I can choose this on purpose,' that was so much more empowering."
3. Your old marriage is over
Whether you stay together or separate, Jennifer believes that after betrayal, the old marriage is over. If couples want to stay together, they must build something new.
"I think people get stuck in, 'Well, our marriage used to be this way.' It's like, no, you have to, that is over. Your old marriage is over."
4. Individual healing before couples therapy
Contrary to common advice, Jennifer doesn't recommend jumping straight into couples counseling after discovering betrayal:
"Healing needs to be done separately until you are healed enough... when you go to marriage counseling, you're still so hurt it's hard to hear what the other person is trying to say to you."
5. Create new boundaries
Learning to set and maintain boundaries was transformative for Jennifer:
"Most people don't even discuss boundaries in their marriage. I didn't even know how to make a boundary. But once I learned, my marriage ended quickly because I was like, 'Okay, I don't want a third person in my marriage.'"
Moving Forward: Thriving After Betrayal
Three years after her divorce, Jennifer is now thriving. She's built a successful coaching practice helping others heal from betrayal, has repaired relationships with her children, and has discovered a newfound appreciation for life.
"We're definitely more thriving now than ever before," she says.
Jennifer attributes this to several key factors:
Recognizing that she gets to choose her thoughts and beliefs
Understanding that her ex-husband's behavior was never about her
Learning to trust her intuition again
Developing healthy boundaries
Allowing herself to feel all emotions
Taking ownership of her healing journey
Advice for Those Currently Struggling
For anyone currently dealing with betrayal, Jennifer offers these compassionate insights:
Have compassion for yourself: "There's not a right or wrong way to do this... no one gives you a manual."
Find a confidant: "Find at least one person you can talk to, but be selective—perhaps not family members who may hold grudges even if you reconcile."
Seek professional help: "Find a coach, therapist... whatever you can, so you can work through these issues."
Take care of yourself: "If you can only get up, take a shower, and get dressed for the day, that's enough."
Don't rush decisions: "You don't have to decide today if you're staying married or getting divorced... you've got to get a little healthier to make a decision."
Take ownership of your healing: "Don't wait for your spouse to take the lead... you are allowed to go get help."
Final Thoughts
Jennifer's journey reminds us that while betrayal is devastating, it doesn't have to define your future. Through self-reflection, emotional processing, and intentional choice-making, it's possible to create a new and joyful life.
As Jennifer puts it, "Once you start doing a different dance, the other person's gonna have to start learning your new dance steps or they're gonna be like, 'I don't want to learn this dance.'"
Either way, you can move forward with confidence, knowing that you're creating the life you truly deserve.
For more information about Jennifer Townsend and her coaching services, visit her website at lifecoachjen.com or listen to her podcast "Happily Even After with Life Coach Jen." You can also find her on Instagram @happilyevenaftercoach. You can also take her Betrayal Quiz.
If you enjoyed this episode of Seasons of Joy, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share with your friends and family. To learn more about host Jill Pack or how to work with her, visit www.seasons-coaching.com.
Want More Clarity?
Are you ready to take it to a deeper level? Jill would love to be your coach!
Click HERE to learn about all the ways you can work together!
Click HERE to schedule a FREE Clarity Conversation with Jill.
Click HERE to check out her FREEBIES!
Click on the following links to learn more about Seasons Coaching and the Seasons of Joy Community Facebook Group.
To contact Jill about speaking to your group or business, email her at jill@seasons-coaching.com.
Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and rate and leave a review! Help spread these tools!
About the Author: Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life + relationship coach and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She helps women of faith navigate their seasons of life with greater purpose and joy. For more resources or to work with Jill, visit www.seasons-coaching.com.
