Episode 151 - Divine Design: The 90-Second Reset Button
The 90-Second Emotion: God's Divine Reset Button for Emotional Freedom
Discover how understanding the 90-second emotion cycle can transform your emotional life and bring greater peace to your midlife journey.
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a worry spiral about your adult children? Or felt that flash of frustration when your husband leaves his socks LITERALLY right next to the hamper again? Perhaps you've experienced that moment when you try on your favorite jeans and they've mysteriously "shrunk in the wash"?
What if I told you that these overwhelming emotions—if truly felt—would pass through your body in just 90 seconds?
Yes, my friend. NINETY. SECONDS. That's shorter than most commercials!
God's Brilliant Design: The Divine Reset Button
"Be still, and know that I am God." These words from Psalms 46:10 are powerful, but let's be honest—being still when your emotions are doing gymnastics inside you is not exactly easy.
For years, I didn't understand that all emotions are part of being human. Many of us have been conditioned to move away from any negative emotion as quickly as we can because they feel uncomfortable. We may even believe that feeling anxious means we don't trust God enough, or getting angry means we're terrible people.
We define ourselves by our emotions. We label and maybe even belittle ourselves because of them, believing that we shouldn't feel a certain way. But here's the truth:
God created our emotions—ALL of them, every single one—even the ones we'd rather not admit to.
Our emotions are not wrong or bad. They are messengers, not enemies that we need to battle.
Yet as women in midlife, we're juggling careers, adult children who still somehow need us, aging parents, church communities, and our own changing bodies. We're emotional jugglers, and some days we drop all the balls.
The Science Behind the 90-Second Emotion
Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor discovered something revolutionary about emotions. She found that "when a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there's a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body. After that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop."
Here's the translation: The actual physical experience of an emotion—the racing heart, the tightness in your chest, the "I might throw this phone across the room" feeling—lasts only about 90 seconds if we let it run its course without interruption.
90 seconds! That's less time than it takes to decide what to watch on Netflix.
Why Emotions Feel Endless
So why do our emotions feel like they're on an endless loop? Why does that worry about our children or irritation with our spouse feel like it's got a Netflix subscription—just automatically renewing forever?
Here's what happens to most of us:
We push emotions down: We try to push our feelings down thinking, "I really shouldn't feel this way." But those emotions we bury don't actually go away. They're still there waiting, and they have a way of surfacing at the most inconvenient moments like when we are with other people. So we pretend we are fine and try to sound like we have it all together.
We get lost in the story: We start thinking, "I'm so worried because my daughter hasn't called in days, and what if she's in trouble, and remember that time when she didn't call..." Before we know it, we are imagining the worst-case scenario and we're no longer feeling the original emotion—we're directing, producing, and starring in our own emotional story.
When Dr. Taylor says "any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop," she means it's our thoughts that keep the emotional washing machine spinning, not the actual emotion itself.
Real-Life Examples
Example 1: You're at lunch with friends. Someone asks how you're doing, and even though you just had a tense phone call with your sister that left you upset, you smile and say, "Oh, I'm great!" Meanwhile, your jaw is clenched so tight you can barely chew your chicken salad. Later that night, you find yourself snapping at your husband when he asks a simple question about dinner, and you don't even understand why you're so irritable.
Example 2: Your adult son mentions he's thinking about moving across the country for a job. In the moment, you smile and say you're happy for him. But that night, you lie awake, your mind racing: "If he moves away, I'll never see my grandchildren. What if something happens to him and I'm not there? What if his wife doesn't want to visit for holidays?" By morning, you're exhausted and anxious about something that hasn't even happened yet, and the simple feeling of "I'll miss my son" has transformed into a full-blown catastrophe in your mind.
These examples show how emotions we try to ignore don't simply disappear—they either come out sideways in other situations, or they get amplified by our thoughts until they're much bigger than the original feeling that triggered them.
Learning from Jesus: Honoring Our Emotions
Scripture tells us that Jesus experienced the full range of human emotions. He wept. He felt anger. He experienced joy. And in the Garden of Gethsemane, he felt such intense anguish that he sweat drops of blood.
Jesus didn't deny his emotions—he moved through them while remaining connected to his Father.
The 90-Second Practice
So what would it look like for us as women of faith in midlife to honor our emotions as Jesus did? Here's a practice that might change your relationship with those difficult moments:
Notice physical sensations: When something happens that triggers strong feelings, first notice the physical sensations in your body. "My stomach is in knots. My shoulders are tight. My breathing is shallow."
Name the emotion: "I'm feeling worried." "I'm feeling disappointed." "I'm feeling uncertain."
Open up to the experience: Observe yourself feeling the emotion. Give yourself space for this experience. Get curious about the sensations. Where exactly do you feel that emotion in your body? What does it actually feel like?
Ground yourself: Feel your feet on the ground. Take a breath. Perhaps whisper this simple prayer: "Lord, be with me as I feel this. I know I'm feeling this because of something I'm thinking right now, and that's okay."
Move your body: Shake it out. Take a walk around your kitchen. Raise your hands. Stretch. Our bodies and spirits are connected, and movement helps emotions flow through us rather than getting stuck.
Imagine a Different Approach
Picture this: You're lying awake at 3 AM, worried about your adult son who hasn't returned your calls. You feel that familiar tightness in your chest, the racing thoughts.
Instead of immediately trying to push away the worry or falling into the story of all the things that might be wrong, you simply notice: "I'm feeling anxious. My chest is tight. My mind is racing."
You take a breath. Feel your back against the bed. Whisper, "Lord, help me. I'm feeling worried right now because of something I'm thinking."
And perhaps you even get up and stretch or walk around your bedroom a few times.
The emotion moves through you in about 90 seconds. It doesn't mean the situation is resolved—your son hasn't called back yet—but you're no longer caught in an emotional storm. You're present. Clearer. More able to hear God's still, small voice.
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
In Psalm 139, David writes that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." Part of that wonderful design is our emotional system—a system meant to move and flow, not to stay stuck.
When I suggest to women that they might simply allow themselves to feel their difficult emotions, they often don't understand what I mean. They worry that if they allow themselves to fully feel their emotions, they may never be able to climb out of them.
But that's because we're thinking about the emotion rather than experiencing it physically. And because we've never practiced letting emotions move through us in a healthy, God-honoring way.
90 seconds. That's all it takes for the physiological response to run its course if we don't interrupt it with judgment or get lost in the story.
Of course, this takes practice. Years of emotional habits don't change overnight. But even becoming aware that there's another way to experience our emotions can be revolutionary for women who have spent decades trying to be strong for everyone else.
Honest Emotion, Not False Positivity
This is not about denying difficult circumstances or pretending everything is fine when it isn't. It's not about forcing a positive attitude when you're hurting.
It's quite the opposite—it's about being more honest with ourselves and with God about what we're feeling, and giving those feelings the space they need to move through us rather than getting stuck.
The Psalms show us this pattern over and over—honest expression of emotion that moves toward trust. Think of Psalm 13, which begins with "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" and ends with "But I trust in your unfailing love."
When we learn to ride the waves of our emotions—even the uncomfortable ones—we open ourselves more fully to God's presence. We model emotional health for our families. And we suffer less, spending less time caught in emotional loops that drain our energy and cloud our discernment.
A Divine Gift for Challenging Seasons
I am so grateful to my Heavenly Parents for creating me, which includes all of my emotions. As I have learned to process them, they have brought a richness to my life. I am grateful for the wisdom of my body and the movement of my feelings.
I invite you to consider: How would your life change if you honored your emotions as messengers, felt them fully, and let them move through you as God intended?
May you find presence in your joy and in your sorrow, in your peace and in your anger.
The next time a big emotion hits, try to stay with it. Time it if you need to. And see if that 90-second rule holds true for you.
Remember: you are deeply loved, exactly as you are.
Have you tried the 90-second emotion technique? I'd love to hear about your experience in the comments below. And if you found this helpful, please share it with another woman who might need this message.
Want More Clarity?
Are you ready to take it to a deeper level? Jill would love to be your coach!
Click HERE to learn about all the ways you can work together!
Click HERE to schedule a FREE Clarity Conversation with Jill.
Click HERE to check out her FREEBIES!
Click on the following links to learn more about Seasons Coaching and the Seasons of Joy Community Facebook Group.
To contact Jill about speaking to your group or business, email her at jill@seasons-coaching.com.
Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and rate and leave a review! Help spread these tools!
About the Author: Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life + relationship coach and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She helps women of faith navigate their seasons of life with greater purpose and joy. For more resources or to work with Jill, visit www.seasons-coaching.com.
