Episode 157 - Childlike vs. Childish Part 3: Communication & Presence
Transform your relationships through the power of childlike honesty and mindful presence
Introduction: Reclaiming Authentic Connection
Are you tired of surface-level conversations that leave you feeling disconnected? In our midlife years, many of us find ourselves longing for deeper, more authentic relationships. The secret might lie in embracing something we once knew naturally: the honest communication and present-moment awareness of children.
This is the third part of our exploration into being childlike versus childish. Today, we're diving deep into how these two powerful qualities—honest communication and mindful presence—can transform not only how we connect with others but how we experience life itself.
The Hidden Challenge: Breaking Free from Emotional Patterns
Growing Up with Hidden Feelings
Many of us grew up in families where true feelings were swept under the rug. We learned to smile and say "I'm fine" even when our hearts were breaking. Sound familiar?
If you recognize this pattern, you're not alone. Countless midlife women learned early to push down their real feelings, to be the "easy" child who didn't cause problems. While our parents likely did their best with what they knew, this emotional suppression has left many of us struggling to communicate authentically decades later.
Perhaps your experience was different—maybe you grew up where emotions erupted uncontrolled, where feelings became weapons rather than tools for connection. Neither extreme gives us what we truly need: the ability to be honestly childlike while remaining maturely responsible.
Emotional Honesty with Responsibility: The Sweet Spot
Three Keys to Balanced Communication
1. Name Your Emotions Without Being Controlled by Them
Children naturally do this: "I'm mad!" "I'm scared!" "I'm so excited I can't sit still!" They identify feelings without shame. As adults, we often struggle to even recognize our emotions, let alone name them.
Practice tip: Develop a richer emotional vocabulary. Instead of just "upset," are you frustrated? Disappointed? Hurt? Anxious? Getting specific helps you respond appropriately rather than reacting to a vague emotional cloud.
2. Stop Blaming Others for Your Feelings
This is where we move from childish to childlike. A child might say, "You made me mad!" An emotionally mature adult can say, "I feel angry when this happens."
Notice the difference? One places responsibility on the other person; the other owns the emotion while still communicating honestly about the trigger. This small shift transforms relationships by moving from accusation to connection.
Real-life example: When your husband says something that hurts, instead of withdrawing or giving the silent treatment, try: "When you said that, I felt ignored, and that hurt." This opens completely different conversations than "You always ignore me!"
3. Tell the Whole Truth with Love
Children often blurt out whatever they're thinking without considering impact. Adults sometimes swing to the opposite extreme—saying nothing to avoid conflict.
Childlike communication finds the middle way: speaking truth with care for the other person. It's not about softening truth until it disappears; it's about delivering it in a way that can actually be heard and received.
The Lost Art of Being Present: Why Presence Matters More Than Ever
When did you last spend an hour simply enjoying the moment without mental distractions? Children can swing on a swingset for an hour, completely absorbed in the experience of movement, conversation, and song.
In our busy midlife years, our minds are often anywhere but here. We're physically making dinner while mentally making tomorrow's to-do list. We're sitting with friends but checking phones every few minutes. We're lying in bed scrolling social media instead of truly resting.
Children are naturally mindful—fully present in whatever they're doing. They don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow; they're completely absorbed in now.
Growing in Present Moment Awareness: The Gifts of Childlike Presence
Quieting Tomorrow's Worries
This doesn't mean avoiding planning or preparation, but there's a difference between thoughtful preparation and anxious fixation on what might go wrong. As Matthew 6:34 reminds us: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Finding Joy in Simple Blessings
When we're fully present, we notice changing leaf colors on daily walks, savor favorite flavors, and feel the warmth of a loved one's hand. Children live in these "thin places"—moments when heaven seems especially close to earth—because they're paying attention.
Creating Space for Divine Connection
When our minds constantly race with noise and distraction, it's hard to hear God's still, small voice. Presence creates room for divine whispers. Psalm 46:10 tells us, "Be still, and know that I am God."
Practical Ways to Cultivate Presence: Daily Rituals of Awareness
Morning Practices:
Take five deep breaths before checking your phone
Really taste and enjoy your first sip of coffee or tea
Feel the water on your skin during your shower instead of mentally planning your day
Notice three beautiful things during your commute
Sacred Pauses Throughout the Day:
Between tasks, take three conscious breaths
Before entering your home after work, sit in your car for a moment to transition mindfully
When feeling overwhelmed, place a hand on your heart and remember who you want to be
Technology Boundaries:
Designate phone-free times or spaces
Turn off non-essential notifications
Try a "sunset to sunrise" break from screens
Physical Reminders:
Wear a special bracelet that reminds you to return to now
Place meaningful objects around your home or workspace
Use everyday transitions (doorways, red lights) as presence cues
Remember: be gentle with yourself as you practice. When you notice your mind has wandered, simply return without judgment—just like you'd gently redirect a child who's wandered off.
Where Communication and Presence Transform Relationships: The Beautiful Alchemy
What's powerful about developing both honest communication and present moment awareness is how they support each other.
When we're fully present with someone, we actually hear what they're saying rather than preparing our response. We notice facial expressions and body language. We respond to what's actually happening rather than our assumptions or past experiences.
When we communicate from presence, our words carry different quality—more thoughtful, authentic, and connected to what matters most rather than reactive emotions.
A Real Transformation Story
Recently, during a difficult conversation, instead of planning his defense, my husband made a conscious choice to be fully present—to listen not just to my words but to what was beneath them. I felt truly seen and heard. This created safety for me to be honest about my real feelings, which allowed him to respond with his perspective, spoken with love.
That conversation transformed something in our relationship—not because we solved every issue, but because we were both fully there, speaking honestly and listening to each other.
Your Practice for the Week Ahead
Choose one relationship where you'd like to bring more honest communication and present moment awareness. It might be with your spouse, child, friend, or even yourself.
Set an intention to practice both qualities—share your perspective with kindness and be fully present when you're together. Notice what shifts, both in the relationship and in your own experience.
Conclusion: Reclaiming What Was Always Yours
These childlike qualities weren't meant to be outgrown but integrated into our adult wisdom. The journey from childish to childlike isn't about becoming something new—it's about reclaiming what was always meant to be ours.
Remember: it's never too late to reclaim the childlike qualities that make life rich and relationships deep. May you speak your perspective with love and find joy in the present moment.
Join My Conversation Project
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To participate, email me at jill@seasons-coaching.com with the subject line "Conversation Project."
Learn more about it HERE.
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About the Author: Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life + relationship coach and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She helps women of faith navigate their seasons of life with greater purpose and joy. For more resources or to work with Jill, visit www.seasons-coaching.com.
