Episode 149 - Adding Self-Trust to the Progress Formula
The Missing Piece for Midlife Women of Faith
Discover how adding self-trust to the Progress Formula can transform your personal growth journey in midlife.
What Is the Progress Formula and Why It Needs an Update
For years, I've been teaching my clients a powerful concept called The Progress Formula: Self-Awareness + Self-Acceptance + Self-Compassion = Progress. This simple equation has helped countless women navigate life's challenges with grace.
But recently, I've realized something important was missing—a critical element that completes this formula and unlocks its full potential, especially for midlife women of faith.
That missing element is self-trust.
Understanding the Complete Progress Formula
Before we explore self-trust, let's quickly review the original components of the Progress Formula:
Self-Awareness: Honestly recognizing your patterns, challenges, and desires
Self-Acceptance: Acknowledging your reality without harsh judgment
Self-Compassion: Extending to yourself the same kindness you would offer a friend
These three elements create a foundation for personal growth. But without self-trust, many women find themselves stuck—aware of their situation, accepting it, feeling compassion for themselves, yet unable to move forward decisively.
What Is Self-Trust and Why Is It Essential?
Self-trust means having confidence in your own judgment, abilities, and decisions. It's the inner knowing that you can rely on yourself—your perceptions, intuitions, skills, and wisdom—to navigate life effectively.
At its core, self-trust involves:
Believing in your capacity to handle challenges and make sound decisions
Listening to and honoring your inner voice and intuition
Being willing to take risks and learn from mistakes rather than being paralyzed by fear
Maintaining your personal integrity by aligning your actions with your values
Recognizing when you need help while still trusting your ability to discern good advice
Self-trust isn't about never doubting yourself or thinking you're perfect. Rather, it's about having a foundational confidence in your ability to handle whatever comes your way, even when facing uncertainty or after making mistakes.
The Spiritual Dimension of Self-Trust
What makes this updated formula particularly meaningful for women of faith is its spiritual dimension. The original Progress Formula—Self-Awareness + Self-Acceptance + Self-Compassion—reflects what grace is, both grace for ourselves and the grace that Christ extends to us. He is aware of us, accepts us, and has compassion for us.
But God's grace also includes trust. Our Heavenly Parents have trusted us from the very beginning. We can know this because we are here having this earthly experience. They trusted us enough to send us on this journey, to make mistakes, to learn, and to grow.
When we develop self-trust, we're actually honoring the divine trust that has been placed in us. We're recognizing our capacity to receive guidance while also exercising our agency and wisdom.
The Progress Formula in Action: Real-Life Examples
Let's explore how this expanded formula works in situations commonly faced by midlife women of faith:
Empty Nest Transition
Self-Awareness: Linda notices a profound sense of loss and uncertainty after her youngest child leaves for college. She recognizes feeling adrift without her primary role as an active, day-to-day mother.
Self-Acceptance: She accepts that her feelings of grief are valid, even while feeling grateful for her children's independence and growth. She acknowledges that these seemingly contradictory feelings can coexist.
Self-Compassion: Linda reminds herself: "This is a major life transition that many women find challenging. It's natural to feel both proud of my children and sad about this change."
Self-Trust: She trusts herself to create a meaningful next chapter. Rather than immediately filling her calendar with activities to escape the discomfort, she trusts her ability to sit with the uncertainty and discern which new pursuits truly align with her values and gifts.
Progress: Linda gradually explores new ways to contribute to her community while deepening her spiritual practices. She develops a new sense of purpose that honors both her continued role as a mother and her emerging identity beyond active parenthood.
Faith Evolution and Deepening Questions
Self-Awareness: Rebecca notices that spiritual questions she once found easy to dismiss are now surfacing with greater frequency. She recognizes a hunger for a more nuanced understanding of her faith than what served her in earlier years.
Self-Acceptance: She accepts that these questions are not a failure of faith but potentially an invitation to spiritual growth. She acknowledges that mature faith can include both certainty and uncertainty.
Self-Compassion: Rebecca extends understanding to herself: "Many people of deep faith experience periods of questioning. This doesn't mean I'm losing my faith—it may mean my faith is actually deepening."
Self-Trust: She trusts her ability to explore these questions within the context of her faith tradition. She trusts that the relationship she has built with God over decades can withstand honest questioning and will likely be strengthened by it.
Progress: Rebecca engages thoughtfully with her questions through prayer, study, and conversations with trusted spiritual mentors. Her faith evolves into something more textured and resilient than before, embracing both mystery and conviction.
Caring for Aging Parents
Self-Awareness: Jennifer recognizes increasing resentment as she balances caring for her aging mother while maintaining her job, marriage, and other responsibilities. She notices feeling guilty for these negative emotions.
Self-Acceptance: She accepts that feeling overwhelmed and occasionally resentful doesn't diminish her love for her mother or her commitment to honoring her. She acknowledges the reality of her limited energy and resources.
Self-Compassion: Jennifer speaks to herself with kindness: "Being in this 'sandwich generation' position is inherently challenging. Having complex feelings about caregiving doesn't make me a bad daughter or person."
Self-Trust: She trusts herself to make difficult decisions about care options that consider everyone's needs, including her own. She trusts her judgment about when to seek additional support, even if it means adjusting her original expectations about caregiving.
Progress: Jennifer arranges for respite care and sets sustainable boundaries around her caregiving role. She finds ways to honor her mother's dignity while preserving her own wellbeing, recognizing this balance as an expression of genuine love.
Why Self-Trust Is Especially Important for Midlife Women
The addition of self-trust to this formula is particularly significant for women of faith in midlife, who often have decades of wisdom to draw upon but may have been conditioned to doubt their own judgment or prioritize others' needs and opinions above their own.
Many midlife women struggle with:
Second-guessing themselves despite years of experience
Deferring to others' opinions out of habit rather than genuine respect
Feeling guilty when prioritizing their own needs or wisdom
Dismissing their intuition when it conflicts with conventional expectations
Developing self-trust honors both your accumulated wisdom and the divine guidance available to you as you navigate life's transitions.
How to Build Self-Trust in Your Daily Life
If you're ready to strengthen your self-trust, here are practical steps to begin:
1. Start keeping promises to yourself
Begin with small, achievable commitments and follow through consistently. This builds a track record that proves to yourself that you are reliable.
2. Practice discernment about advice
Instead of automatically accepting others' input, pause and check in with yourself. Does the advice resonate with your values and situation? Remember that you know your circumstances better than anyone else.
3. Document your successes
Keep a journal of times when you trusted yourself and things worked out well. Reference these examples when doubt creeps in.
4. Notice what undermines your self-trust
Pay attention to relationships or situations that leave you doubting yourself. Consider whether boundaries might be needed.
5. Connect with your spiritual foundation
Through prayer and meditation, strengthen your connection with divine guidance. Remember that God trusts you to use your agency and wisdom.
Bringing It All Together: The Complete Progress Formula
When we combine self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-trust, we create the conditions for genuine, sustainable progress in our lives.
This complete formula works because:
Self-Awareness allows you to identify patterns, challenges, and desires with clarity
Self-Acceptance enables you to acknowledge your reality without harsh judgment
Self-Compassion creates an atmosphere of grace where growth can flourish
Self-Trust empowers you to take aligned action based on your own wisdom and values
Together, these elements create Progress that is both meaningful and sustainable.
Your Journey Forward
Just as our Heavenly Parents trust us to navigate our earthly experience, we can learn to trust ourselves as we create our lives day by day. This doesn't mean doing everything alone—it means honoring the wisdom you've developed and the divine guidance you receive.
The next time you face a challenge or transition, try applying all four elements of the Progress Formula. Notice how adding self-trust transforms your approach and empowers you to move forward with greater confidence and authenticity.
Have you struggled with self-trust in your life? How might adding this element to the Progress Formula change your approach to personal growth? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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About the Author: Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life coach and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She helps women of faith navigate their seasons of life with greater purpose and joy. For more resources or to work with Jill, visit www.seasons-coaching.com.
