Episode 167 - A Conversation About Becoming with Alicia
Finding Joy in Midlife: A Life Coach's Journey from Empty Nest to Purpose
Originally featured on the Becoming in the Middle podcast
When Life Takes an Unexpected Turn
Are you approaching midlife with a sense of dread rather than excitement? You're not alone. Many women find themselves at a crossroads when their children leave home, facing an uncertain future they never really planned for. Today, we're sharing an inspiring conversation between two life coaches who met at a transformational workshop and discovered that midlife can be the most rewarding season yet.
The Midlife Wake-Up Call:
The Reality of Empty Nest Syndrome
Jill, a certified life coach and host of the Seasons of Joy podcast, describes her midlife transition:
"I was in a place of dread. My youngest was a senior, I had just gotten my real estate license, and I was really at a place of 'this is the last of this, this is the last of that.' I had older kids making different decisions than maybe I thought they should, and I was becoming a mother-in-law – which you really aren't prepared for."
This resonates with countless women who dedicated decades to motherhood, only to find themselves asking: "What now?"
The Problem with Planning (Or Lack Thereof)
One striking insight from this conversation is how society prepares us for motherhood but rarely discusses what comes after:
"As a young woman, I envisioned motherhood and being a homemaker and raising a family so much, but I never took time to envision what happens when everyone leaves and it's just me and my husband."
Key Takeaway: We need to normalize conversations about life after active parenting and help women prepare for this significant transition.
The Journey from Struggle to Growth
Why Struggle Can Be a Gift
Rather than viewing midlife challenges as something to endure, Jill reframes them as opportunities:
"The struggle and the challenge of figuring out what's next has been the most amazing gift. It stretched me in ways I never would have imagined. I found my voice, I found a confidence in something other than what I've accomplished, my motherhood, or the kind of wife I am."
This perspective shift is crucial for anyone facing major life transitions.
The Power of Personal Development
The transformation began when Jill discovered life coaching concepts through Jody Moore's "Better Than Happy" podcast. Key principles that changed her perspective:
Thoughts vs. Circumstances: Understanding that our thoughts about situations, not the situations themselves, create our experience
Personal Agency: Recognizing we can create our life experience rather than just react to what happens
Growth Mindset: Embracing the idea that we can learn and change at any stage of life
From Reluctant Student to Passionate Coach
The Be Bold Masters Experience
Despite initially having no intention of becoming a coach, Jill's experience at a life coaching intensive changed everything:
"I just wanted to observe and learn, bring it home and just live life and try to do what I had learned. I specifically told everyone that I didn't want to be coached."
But sometimes the universe has other plans. When she was eventually coached on a challenging relationship, it opened her eyes to the power of this work.
The Moment Everything Clicked
The breakthrough came in an unexpected place:
"I remember being in my bathroom, saying to myself, 'You actually do want to do this. You actually want to coach.' I had pushed it away so long that I hadn't allowed space for the opposite to be true."
Lesson: Sometimes we resist our calling because we're afraid or feel unprepared. Creating space for possibility can change everything.
Building a Business with Purpose (Not Pressure)
The Importance of Finding Your Why
What allowed Jill to build her coaching business without overwhelming pressure? A clear sense of purpose:
"My why was I want to help people find joy in their life, regardless of their season or their circumstance. It's a way to share goodness in the world. When I know my why, there's not a timeline to putting good in the world."
The "How Can I Make This Fun?" Approach
Instead of stressing about perfection, Jill adopted a playful mindset:
Beginner's Mind: Embracing not knowing how to do things yet
One Step at a Time: Taking small, manageable actions
Learning Through Doing: Recording 50 versions of early podcast episodes before learning to edit
Dealing with Comparison and Finding Your Voice
Like many new entrepreneurs, Jill initially looked to successful coaches for guidance:
"In the beginning, I did lean into mimicking successful coaches, but I don't think that's a bad thing. We borrow from other people to get started, and then when I started my podcast, I had to find my voice."
Strategy: Use role models for inspiration and initial direction, but develop your unique approach over time.
How Personal Growth Transforms
Improved Relationships
The benefits of personal development work extend far beyond business:
Parenting Adult Children: Learning to navigate relationships without frustration when adult children make different choices
Marriage: Developing skills for difficult conversations instead of giving the silent treatment
Self-Relationship: Replacing harsh self-criticism with self-compassion
Professional Confidence
"I have a calling in my ward where I have to address hard things. If I would've had to do what I'm doing now five years ago, I don't know if I would've had the confidence to do it."
Redefining "Becoming": A Journey, Not a Destination
The Trap of Future-Focused Thinking
An important distinction emerged about the concept of "becoming":
"Sometimes the becoming can feel heavy because you're like, 'I've got to become this, I've got to become that.' But what if today is the best version of yourself today? Can you celebrate where you are today?"
Remembering vs. Becoming
A powerful reframe suggests that perhaps we're not becoming something entirely new, but rather:
"What if it's not about becoming something different? What if we already are the best version of ourselves? We just have to remember or uncover what's already there, buried by life and our natural man tendencies."
Understanding True Joy: Embracing the Full Spectrum
Joy Through Contrast
One of the most profound insights shared is about the nature of joy:
"Joy is the richness of life, which includes the hard and the beautiful. We wouldn't feel as grateful for our health if we had never been sick. We'd never be as happy as we are if we had never experienced sadness, depression, or loneliness."
The Four-Year-Old's Wisdom
A simple story illustrates this beautifully: After getting in trouble at preschool, Jill's daughter was devastated, thinking she'd never be happy again. But after playing and processing, she announced with wonder, "I'm happy!"
"That's joy – having the contrast of happiness and sadness, which made that moment so beautiful."
Practical Application
Instead of viewing difficult emotions as problems to fix:
Normalize the struggle: Recognize that opposition means you're "doing life right"
Don't grip so tight: Allow emotions to flow without fighting them
Practice self-care: Ask "How can I take care of myself when I feel sad?"
Find the richness: Look for how challenges deepen your capacity for gratitude and joy
Actionable Takeaways for Your Own Midlife Journey
1. Clarify Your Why
Before making major changes, spend time understanding your deeper motivation. What impact do you want to have? What brings you alive?
2. Embrace the Learning Process
Approach new challenges with curiosity rather than pressure. Ask "How can I make this fun?" instead of demanding perfection.
3. Celebrate Your Current Self
Practice acknowledging that you are enough right now, while still being open to growth and discovery.
4. Reframe Struggle as Growth
When facing difficulties, remind yourself: "Nothing has gone wrong. This is part of the human experience."
5. Find Your Voice
Start somewhere, even if you're mimicking others initially. Your unique perspective will emerge through practice and experience.
Resources for Your Journey
If this conversation resonated with you, here are ways to continue your exploration:
Seasons of Joy Podcast: Find it wherever you listen to podcasts
Seasons Coaching Website: Visit seasonscoaching.com for free resources and tools
Becoming in the Middle Podcast: For more conversations about midlife transformation
Your Season of Possibility
Midlife doesn't have to mean decline or settling for less. As Jill's story demonstrates, it can be the beginning of your most purposeful, joyful season yet. The key is shifting from asking "What's wrong with me?" to "What's possible for me?"
Whether you're facing an empty nest, career transition, or simply feeling stuck, remember:
You already have everything you need within you
Struggle often precedes breakthrough
It's never too late to discover new aspects of yourself
Joy comes not from avoiding difficulty, but from embracing the full richness of life
Your midlife transformation is waiting. The question isn't whether you're capable of change – it's whether you're ready to remember who you've always been beneath the roles and expectations.
What season are you in, and what possibilities are calling to you?
This conversation originally appeared on the Becoming in the Middle podcast. For more resources on finding joy in life transitions, visit seasonscoaching.com.
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Join My Conversation Project
I'm currently seeking midlife women of faith for meaningful one-on-one conversations about your unique experiences during this important life season. These 30-minute private Zoom calls provide a safe space for you to share your authentic journey—both struggles and strengths—with deep listening and no judgment.
To participate, email me at jill@seasons-coaching.com with the subject line "Conversation Project."
Learn more about it HERE.
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About the Author: Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life + relationship coach and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She helps women of faith navigate their seasons of life with greater purpose and joy including transforming conflict into an adventure. For more resources or to work with Jill, visit www.seasons-coaching.com.
