How to Stop Using Food to Escape Your Feelings: The Emotional Eating Fix

ON THE BLOG

How to Stop Using Food to Escape Your Feelings: The Emotional Eating Fix

Originally featured on the Weight Loss Doesn’t Have to Suck podcast with Kimberly Severson and Jill Pack.

Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Eating

Do you find yourself face-down in a carton of ice cream after a stressful day? You're not alone. Emotional eating affects millions of people who use food to cope with uncomfortable feelings like frustration, sadness, anxiety, and stress. But what if there was a better way to handle these emotions? One that actually helps you grow and find deeper joy in life.

We are going to explore the root causes of emotional eating and provide you with practical tools to process emotions in a healthy way, based on insights from certified life coach Jill Pack and weight loss coach Kimberly Severson.

Understanding the Root of Emotional Eating

Why We Turn to Food for Comfort

Most of us were never taught how to properly process emotions. From childhood, we learn to avoid discomfort:

• When children fall and cry, we say "rub it, rub it" to make the pain go away

• We try to distract them from sadness rather than teaching them to feel it

• We inadvertently teach that negative emotions are "wrong" and should be avoided

This creates adults who:

• Live in a limited emotional vocabulary (often just 5 basic feeling words)

• Believe happiness means feeling good all the time

• Use food, shopping, or scrolling as emotional escape mechanisms

• Never learn that emotions have valuable information to offer

The Hidden Cost of Emotional Avoidance

When we consistently avoid uncomfortable emotions through food, we miss crucial opportunities for growth and self-understanding. Emotions aren't just random feelings—they're messengers with important information about our needs, boundaries, and values.

The Purpose of "Negative" Emotions

Emotions as Teachers and Guides

Every emotion serves a purpose in moving us through life. Here's what some common "negative" emotions are trying to tell us:

Frustration often indicates:

• We're trying to control something outside our influence

• We have unrealistic expectations of others

• Something important to us is being threatened

• We need to adjust our approach or perspective

Anxiety might signal:

• We're thinking about future scenarios we can't control

• We need to prepare for something important

• Our nervous system is alerting us to potential challenges

• We may need support or resources

Sadness can show us:

• Something meaningful to us has been lost or changed

• We need time to process a transition

• We value deep connections and experiences

• Healing and reflection are needed

The Gift of Emotional Contrast

Just as a painting needs both light and shadow to create depth and beauty, our emotional lives need contrast to be truly rich and meaningful. Without experiencing sadness, we can't fully appreciate happiness. Without frustration, we can't recognize peace and contentment.

The N.O.W. Method: A Practical Tool for Processing Emotions

Jill Pack shares her powerful "NOW" method for processing emotions in a healthy way:

N - Notice and Name

• Notice: Pay attention to elevated emotions in your body

• Name: Identify the specific emotion (anxiety vs. stress, frustration vs. anger)

• Be patient: If you can't name it immediately, simply noticing is enough to start

O - Open and Observe

• Open up: Drop into your body and acknowledge the emotion's presence

• Observe: Pay attention to physical sensations without trying to change them

• Allow: Let the emotion exist without reacting or trying to fix it

W - Watch and Wait

• Watch: Observe yourself having this emotional experience

• Remind yourself: This feeling exists because of something you're thinking right now

• Wait: Allow the emotion to move through you naturally (emotions typically last about 90 seconds when not resisted)

Building Emotional Literacy: Expanding Your Feeling Vocabulary

Moving Beyond Basic Emotions

Most people operate with a limited emotional vocabulary, using words like "stressed," "angry," or "sad" to describe a wide range of feelings. Developing emotional literacy means getting specific:

Instead of "stressed," consider:

• Time scarcity

• Overwhelmed

• Pressured

• Anxious about performance

Instead of "angry," explore:

• Frustrated

• Disappointed

• Feeling unheard

• Boundary violation

The Power of Precision

The more precisely you can name your emotions, the better information you have to work with. As researcher Brené Brown says, "Name it to tame it." Specific emotional language gives you targeted information about what you need in any given moment.

Practical Strategies for Managing Emotional Eating

1. Develop Body Awareness

Learn to recognize emotions in their early stages (level 1-2) rather than waiting until they reach crisis level (level 11). Early warning signs might include:

• Tension in shoulders or jaw

• Heaviness in chest

• Restlessness or agitation

• Changes in breathing patterns

2. Ask Supportive Questions

When you notice an uncomfortable emotion, ask yourself:

• "What do I need right now?"

• "How can I support myself in this moment?"

• "What is this emotion trying to tell me?"

• "What would be most loving for me right now?"

3. Remember Emotions Are Temporary

All emotions are transitory. You will not always feel this way. This simple reminder can provide tremendous comfort during difficult emotional experiences.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Instead of judging yourself for having "negative" emotions, practice self-compassion:

• Acknowledge that all humans experience the full range of emotions

• Remind yourself that emotions aren't right or wrong—they just are

• Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show a good friend

Creating Space for Positive Emotions

The Paradox of Emotional Expansion

When we constrict our capacity for uncomfortable emotions, we also limit our ability to fully experience positive emotions. By learning to process difficult feelings, we actually expand our overall emotional capacity, allowing us to:

• Experience deeper joy and contentment

• Feel more connected in relationships

• Access greater creativity and problem-solving abilities

• Develop genuine emotional resilience

Building Your Zone of Resilience

Your zone of resilience is the emotional space where you can experience feelings without being completely derailed by them. As you practice processing emotions, this zone expands, allowing you to:

• Handle stress without going into fight-or-flight mode

• Stay present during difficult conversations

• Make thoughtful decisions even when experiencing strong emotions

• Maintain your sense of self during challenging times

The Ripple Effect: Allowing Others Their Emotions

As you become more comfortable with your own emotions, you'll naturally become more tolerant of others' emotional experiences. This includes:

Allowing your partner to be frustrated after a long day

• Letting your children work through disappointment

• Not trying to "fix" everyone's uncomfortable feelings

• Understanding that others' emotions aren't your responsibility to manage

Creating Emotionally Safe Relationships

When you stop trying to manage or avoid emotions, whether it is yours or another person’s, you create space for more authentic, deeper relationships. People feel safer being themselves around you when they know their feelings won't be judged or immediately redirected.

Long-Term Benefits of Emotional Processing:

Beyond Weight Management

While learning to process emotions can certainly help with emotional eating and weight management, the benefits extend far beyond food:

Improved Relationships:

• Deeper connections with family and friends

• Better communication skills

• Increased empathy and understanding

• Reduced conflict and resentment

Enhanced Mental Health:

• Greater emotional resilience

• Reduced anxiety and depression

• Improved self-awareness

• Better stress management

Personal Growth:

• Clearer sense of values and priorities

• Improved decision-making abilities

• Greater life satisfaction

• Increased capacity for joy and fulfillment

Getting Started: Small Steps Toward Emotional Freedom

Week 1: Awareness Building

• Begin noticing when you reach for food during emotional moments

• Practice the "that's interesting" response to your emotions

• Start a simple emotion journal, noting feelings without judgment

Week 2: Body Connection

• Spend 5 minutes daily checking in with your body

• Notice where different emotions show up physically

• Practice deep breathing when you notice emotional activation

Week 3: The N.O.W. Method

• Begin implementing the Notice, Open, Watch and Wait technique

• Start with smaller emotions rather than intense ones

• Celebrate small victories in emotional processing

Week 4: Integration

• Combine all techniques as they feel natural

• Notice changes in your relationship with food and emotions

• Consider seeking additional support through coaching or therapy if needed

Embracing the Full Spectrum of Human Experience

Learning to process emotions instead of eating them is one of the most valuable skills you can develop. It's not about becoming happy all the time. It's about becoming fully human, with access to the rich tapestry of emotional experiences that make life meaningful.

Remember, emotions add richness to our lives. They're not obstacles to overcome but teachers to learn from. When we stop running from our feelings and start listening to them, we discover a wellspring of wisdom, creativity, and joy that was always there, waiting to be uncovered.

The next time you feel the urge to reach for food to escape an uncomfortable emotion, pause and ask yourself: "What if this feeling has something important to tell me?" You might be surprised by what you discover.

About the Contributors:

• Jill Pack is a certified faith-based life coach specializing in helping women navigate midlife transitions. Learn more at seasons-coaching.com. Listen to Seasons of Joy Podcast Episode 159.

• Kimberly Severson is a certified weight loss and mindset coach who helps clients end chronic dieting cycles. Learn more at kimberlyseversoncoaching.com. Listen to Weight Loss Doesn’t Have to Suck Episode 110.

For more insights on emotional eating and life coaching, subscribe to the Seasons of Joy podcast and Weight Loss Doesn't Have to Suck podcast.

Ready to Go Deeper?

Are you ready to write your next chapter?

Take the first step by scheduling a Clarity Conversation to explore coaching options HERE.