Thoughtful Thursday & The Dance of Disconnection

ON THE BLOG

THE DANCE OF DISCONNECTION

Throughout the years, whenever my husband seemed distracted during our conversations, I have struggled to feel a secure bond with him in those moments. 

My reaction has been to retreat and give him the silent treatment.

These behaviors have been part of my relationship dance moves for a long time as a way of managing the hurt I feel and an attempt to shift the dance, all in the hope that I won’t continue to feel hurt. 

Yet, the more I have repeated this pattern, the more frustrated and resentful I feel. 

I find myself telling a story about how he doesn’t care about what I have to say or that I am not important to him. 

These dance moves make it harder for me to feel safely connected to him and then he seems to either push against my silence or he mirrors it.

This patterned dance can keep us trapped in suffering and loneliness.

This familiar rhythm of dance is something we still fall back into sometimes. 

Yet, we are getting better at recognizing this dance. 

In fact, just a few weeks ago, I noticed my husband and I beginning to move in this well-rehearsed dance again. 

It still took a couple of days to be honest with myself about my own dance moves. 

However, once I am honest with myself, this allows me to begin to shift my moves and change the tune we are dancing to.

After 33 years of marriage, we aren't perfect at this yet but we are both better at noticing when we are slipping into our patterned dance. 

We have gotten to a place where we feel secure in our relationship, so when this dance does begin, we are better able to change the tune sooner rather than later. 

So, by learning how to change the tune and choosing to take new steps has provided us with the opportunity to create greater connection in our relationship.  

The act of repair and reconnection has strengthened our relationship. 

So just because you may find yourself in a dance of disconnection does not mean that all hope is lost. 

Identifying your relationship dance could be the very thing that leads you to building a stronger relationship with greater emotional connection.

Click HERE to listen to this week's podcast episode to learn more!