Episode 5 - How to Solve Any Problem
Episode 5 - How to Solve Any Problem
What many people believe are problems aren’t usually problems at all. Almost all of our problems are due to what we think and believe. Today I want to discuss the main tool I use with all of my clients and myself. Everything I teach ties back to this basic tool. It is called The Model. It was developed by Brooke Castillo, the founder of the Life Coach School where I was certified. This simple but powerful tool is made up of five interrelated components. When you change one component, it affects the others. By understanding and applying this model, you can literally find a solution to any problem by accessing your creativity and wisdom within yourself.
The five components of the model are as follows:
Circumstances
Thoughts
Feelings
Actions
Results
This is what we call the CTFAR Model. Each letter is its own line on line on a paper if you were to see it written.
When we really understand the Model we can clearly identify a problem and then we can begin to uncover the root cause of the problem and build a picture of what’s going on in each of the other components. This is because our thoughts about our circumstances cause our feelings, which fuel our actions, which ultimately create the results we experience in our lives
The first component is circumstances.
Circumstances are the facts of the story. They can be proven in a court of law. They are something that everyone would agree on. These are the things that are outside of us and are out of our control. They happen in the world around us. As one of my coaches says, they are the math of the story. Circumstances are boring, without all of the drama. Some examples would be the weather, the number on the scale, the money in the bank, our past, other people’s behavior or the words they say. These are the things that we can’t directly change. They go in the C line which stands for circumstances and they are neutral until we have a thought about them which leads me to the next component.
The second component is our thoughts.
Thoughts are the sentences that constantly run in our brains. There are differing opinions on how many thoughts we have in a day but it is in the thousands. Sometimes we’re aware of our thoughts, but often we aren’t. We choose thoughts about the circumstances in our lives. We have many thoughts that serve us and we don’t have to take the time to necessarily get awareness of them. However, there are some thoughts that don’t serve us and those are the ones we want to gain greater awareness of in order to create wanted change in our lives. We want to look at those sentences individually, and we want to evaluate them. If there is any subjective term, any adjectives, or any other descriptive words, we know that they are thoughts and not facts.
For example, we would all agree that that door is red or the light is on or that it is raining outside or that person said this or this happened in my past. Those are all circumstances. When you start adding - this terrible thing that happened in my past or this wonderful thing that happened today – anytime you start adding clarifiers, and anytime you start adding descriptives and opinions and judgements–you’ve moved into the thought line. Only thoughts belong in the T line.
So circumstances and thoughts are the first two components of the model. Learning the difference between them is one of the most important pieces of using the model and understanding how your brain works and how it affects you.
So the first step of using the model is separating facts from thoughts.
One exercise I use with my clients is I have them do a thought download. This is where you set a timer for anywhere from 3 to 5 to 10 minutes. You get a piece of paper and just start writing. You can write about a problem you are having like a relationship problem with yourself or with others. You can write about anything really. If you don’t know what to write about just start writing with “I don’t know what to write about.” The idea is just to write. Then I have my clients circle the circumstances and underline the thoughts. You will see that you will have a few circles and a lot of lines. This is great practice at learning how to separate facts from thoughts.
So I am going to share an example from my own life.
My husband loves sports. He loves watching sports. He is a very loyal fan to his teams. The Jazz, the Aggies, the Phillies. Actually, if there is a ball, he will watch it. There was a long time in our marriage when I would try to talk to him while he was watching a game or something. I would have probably said something like, “My husband never listens to me.” This may or may not describe a fact, because someone else in the same circumstance may disagree. Not everyone agrees, so it would not be a fact that can be proven.
If my husband didn’t answer a question I asked, I could say, “My husband didn’t reply to my question.” That is a fact. The statement, “My husband never listens to me,” is a thought. The fact that he didn’t reply to my question is not a problem at all for anyone until I have a thought about it.
Our thinking about our circumstances is what actually creates our problems. This is the best news ever. This means we have control over what is a problem to us and what isn’t.
I could make the fact that my husband didn’t answer my question mean something like “He never listens to me, he is so inconsiderate, he is rude, he doesn’t care about me.”
Now some of you in the same circumstance may be thinking that of course your husband is the problem. You may be rolling your eyes and saying that everyone you have told your story to totally agrees with you. But the truth is, your husband is not the problem. My husband is not the problem. There is someone in the world that would not agree. Understanding this gives us the power to interpret anything any way we want. When we choose to have a thought about something, that’s when we’re going to determine how we feel. That is the next line in the model.
The third component is our feelings.
I spoke quite a bit about feelings in episode 2. In that episode, I covered what emotions are and how to process our emotions. I use the words emotions and feelings interchangeably in what I teach. Feelings are the emotions or vibrations we experience in our bodies, and they’re directly related to the thoughts we are thinking which are the interpretations of our circumstances. Some examples include anger, sadness, frustration, excitement, joy, boredom, etc. One word descriptors. Our feeling goes in the F line. When working on a model, we want to narrow it down to one feeling. Now don’t confuse feelings with physical, involuntary sensations such as hunger, cold, physical pain, and reflexes. Emotions are voluntary because we can change what we feel by changing our thoughts. They are the fuel for everything we do or don’t do.
I will use the previous example. When I believed the thought that “My husband never listens to me”….(which I made it mean that he is inconsiderate, rude or he doesn’t care about me) I may feel something like hurt, frustration, or anger. Let’s pick one emotion and focus on that. Let’s say I feel hurt. I may believe that I feel hurt because my husband did not reply to my question. But this isn’t true. It is my thought that “He never listens to me” that is causing me to feel hurt. Then I show up in this relationship from a place of feeling of hurt.
Which leads me to the next component.
The fourth component is our actions.
Actions are the behaviors we do or don’t do based on how we feel. Our reactions, or inactions and they are directly related to our feelings. Some examples would include eating when we aren’t hungry because we feel bored, anxious, or lonely. We may withdraw and avoid conversations with a family member because we feel hurt. We may avoid speaking up because we feel embarrassed. If we want different actions, we can choose different feelings. Our actions and inactions determine our results. These go in the A line.
If I show up in the relationship with my husband from feeling hurt. I may withdraw. I may pretend I am fine. I may cry and leave the room. Give him the silent treatment. I may not tell him how I really feel. All of these actions and inactions are creating my results.
For many years, I had thoughts and feelings similar to these which had me showing up in a certain way which created results I didn’t love. This leads me to the next component.
The fifth component is our results.
This goes in the R line. Our results are the consequences, or effects, of our actions. The life experiences we are creating for ourselves. Some examples would include being overweight, having a dysfunctional family relationship, scoring well on a test, buying your dream home or being late for an appointment. Choosing different actions will lead us to different results.
From my previous example with my husband, when I chose crying, withdrawing, leaving the room, the silent treatment and pretending, it was because I was feeling hurt and this was because I was thinking that “my husband never listens to me.” This was not creating a result I liked. I wasn’t allowing myself to be heard by leaving or giving him the silent treatment. I wasn’t allowing myself to listen to him either by leaving the room and withdrawing. I didn’t like who I was being.
Oftentimes, we don’t communicate our wishes or expectations to the other person. We just expect them to know and then when they do differently than we think they should, we feel frustrated, angry, or hurt. And again, our actions, inactions or reactions are fueled from emotions that may not serve us.
The thing to remember here is that the result is yours.
For me, it wasn't about my husband’s result. It was about my result. I wasn’t strengthening my relationship with my husband and I wasn’t being the person I wanted to be.
Your result is about you–what you want to create for yourself and what kind person you want to be.
So here is the summary of the Model:
Circumstances are facts.
You have a thought about those facts.
The thought creates a feeling.
The feeling creates an action (which could be an inaction or a reaction).
The action creates a result.
The Model allows you to get clarity around what you believe is creating a problem for you. Don’t let its simplicity prevent you from discovering its power. Using the model for greater awareness takes practice. And the best way to learn how to use it is to just dive in and try it out and then try it again and again.
The beautiful thing about this model is that you put anything in it. You can start anywhere.
I will give you a few examples.
Maybe you are overeating, which is an action. You are eating more food than your body needs. I would put this in the A line.
eone else may say to me “I am not good enough,” which sadly happens often. Many of us have had this belief for a long time. “I am not good enough” is not a circumstance, it is a thought. It isn’t a physical thing that happened like overeating. This is a thought because it is subjective. It goes in the T line.
If someone says, “I am so anxious,” that would be a feeling. It belongs in the F line. She isn’t just thinking she is anxious. She is feeling it. There are probably physiological things happening. Maybe her heart is racing, or she is feeling butterflies in her stomach, or she may feel like she wants to throw up. Again, this goes in the feeling line.
If someone has $5,000 in the bank, this can be put in the C line or the R line. It can be a circumstance and you can look at what you believe about that, how you feel about that, what you do or don’t do because of that amount and then what is happening for you as a result. It could also be the result. You could put the $5,000 in the R line and that could be a goal you are working toward. What would you have to do in order to create $5,000 as your result? How would you need to feel to do those things? What would you need to be thinking or believing to create that emotional fuel? This is called working the model backwards. It is a great process when working towards a goal.
There is nothing that can’t be categorized into the Model. This process allows you to reduce the feelings of overwhelm and being stuck which helps you find the solutions for your problems.
Once you categorize whatever you are dealing with, then you finish filling out the Model. This helps you look for the cause of your problem. The cause of all your feelings, actions, and results is always going to be a thought. That is why it is so important to keep an eye on your brain. This takes work. It takes intention.
So many of us would rather go into default mode than pay attention to what we are thinking. But this comes at a great cost. Just because you aren’t paying attention doesn’t mean that you aren’t thinking. This is just thinking on autopilot. It works fine if you are able to always think positive, wonderful thoughts that give you great feelings and actions and results. However, for most of us, we’re running old patterns which are creating unwanted results. This is when we need to start paying attention to our brains.
Many people think that life coaches just teach you how to think happy thoughts. This is not the point of this work. It is about looking at what you are currently thinking, feeling, doing and creating for yourself. It isn’t about hurrying and changing your thoughts. It is about getting curious and being compassionate with yourself. As you unlayer your mind you will find patterns and habits that are the effect of your thinking. You will begin to understand that the things happening in your life aren’t responsible for the results you get. Rather, it is your thinking about the things happening in your life that is causing you to have negative feelings, actions and results. This can feel really uncomfortable but this process actually allows you the opportunity to make some amazing changes in your life. It can be so freeing once you understand how much power you have in your life and that all these things you thought were just happening to you are not happening to you. You have the power to decide what to think about those things. You are in control of what you think, feel, do or don’t do and what results you ultimately create in your life.
If you want to learn more about the Model, I would love to schedule a discovery call where we can work through something that is causing you a problem. Just go to seasons-coaching.com to schedule a session with me. You can also learn more about my Seasons of Joy Coaching Program.
Thank you for listening. If you like what you hear, please share it with your friends and family and please leave me a review.
Have a joyful week!
To schedule a free Discovery Call, join my Seasons of Joy Facebook Group, and register for my upcoming An Awakening Retreat go to Seasons Coaching.
